Miami. By far the best of the CSI's. Not that that's saying much.

Real talky.

(Wien, im August 2008) Heidi Schnitzer will David Caruso (nun töten). Oder doch nicht?

Will die anglophile Innsbruckerin, Mutter von zwei Kindern, nur ein Autogramm? Will sie den amerikanischen
Film-Star David Caruso (CSI Ermittler Horatio Cane) heiraten? Mit ihm durchbrennen? Will Sie ihn umbringen?
Es ist alles unklar, die Sache sehr verwirrend.

Offenes Verfahren am LG Innsbruck

Klar ist nur: Am Landesgericht Innsbruck ist ein Verfahren nach "Gefährliche Drohung" und "Stalking" gegen die 40-jährige Heidemarie (Heidi) Schnitzer anhängig. Mehrere Termine waren angesetzt. Sie ließ alle platzen. Nun zog es sie in die Ferne.

Dem Vernehmen nach brach sie wie eine schnelle Maus nach Mexiko (!) auf, ließ ihre beiden Kinder in Tirol zurück und tauchte ab. Seither wird sie mit internationalem Haftbefehl gesucht. Eine lokale Gruppe des FBI sucht sie auch.

Die Anzeige stammt aus den USA. Dann gab es über den Weg der Rechtshilfe in Österreich Ermittlungen durch das Wiener Bundeskriminalamt (BK). Dann in ihrem politischen Bezirk Innsbruck eine Anklageerhebung. Das alles ist Frau Schnitzer Würstel.

2006 David Caruso getroffen - Avancen gemacht

Glaubt man den Publikationen, die zirkulieren, traf Heidi Schnitzer 2006 auf David Caruso. In der Folge schrieb sie ihm rund 100 Briefe und Emails. Dann begann etwas, was man "Celebrity-Stalking" nennt. Der Welt-Star (TV-Cop
in NYPD-Blue, erste Staffel und CSI-Miami) und sein weiblicher Fan treffen hart aufeinander.

Denn der Fan kennt den Star in- und auswendig, der Star den Fan aber gar nicht. Das ging eine Weile gut. Caruso beantwortete keine Emails und Briefe. Dann kam ein histrionisches Element verbunden mit Hartnäckigkeit dazu. Dann das Internet und seine inoffiziellen und offiziellen Caruso-Fanforen. Überall mischte Schnitzer unter zahlreichen Nicknamen an vorderster Front mit.

Nur eines gelang ihr nicht: Ein Autogramm, einen unterschriebenen Brief für den Tabernakel in der Tiroler Stube
zu bekommen. Auch ein neues Treffen mit ihrem Ultimo-Star blieb aus. Dann wurde der Ton ruppiger.

Raue Töne

2008: Ein Brief zirkuliert aktuell im Internet, maschingeschrieben, angeblich von Heidi Schnitzer, gerichtet an David Caruso. "Blaulicht und Graulicht" übernimmt keine Verantwortung über die Authentizität, da wir nicht das Bundeskriminalamt sind. Der Brief (Screenshot unten) wurde partout von einer Frau namens "Sara Kanne" im Internet lanciert, die sich als "Schnitzer-Expertin" ausgibt und auffälligerweise wie keine andere die Ereignisse der letzten fünf Monate in ihrem Weblog Revue passieren läßt ("The Stalker Chronicles").

Ein amerikanischer Celebrity-Experte aus Kansas City namens Aaron Barnhart, der eine sachkundige und solide Celebs-Website betreibt, geht davon aus, dass es sich bei "Sara Kanne" um eine sehr gut informierte Person handelt, die die Ereignisse minutiös dokumentiert.

Es gehen jedoch auch Gerüchte, dass es sich bei "Sara Kanne" um "Heidi Schnitzer" handelt.

Anti-Schnitzer-Seite von FBI, Detektei, Caruso-Management oder - Schnitzer herself?

Es gibt auch weitere Denkvarianten, die "Blaulicht und Graulicht" anstellt: Es ist möglich, dass die Webseite http://thestalkerchronicles.blogspot.com/ im Auftrag der amerikanischen Polizei "unter Legende" erstellt wurde, um die Ereignisse öffentlich präzise zu dokumentieren. Denkvarianten zwei und drei sind: Die Webseite, die sich ausschließlich mit Heidi Schnitzer in englischer Sprache beschäftigt, wurde im Auftrag des Managements von David Caruso erstellt, um Trittbrettfahrer abzuschrecken. Oder es arbeitet eine Detektei mit, die Heidi Schnitzer mit Hilfe des Internets "stalkt" und sie sohin mit ihren eigenen Waffen erlegen will. Sie soll damit "beschäftigt" und dazu verleitet werden, Fehler zu begehen.

Die letzte, immermögliche Variante: Heidi Schnitzer ist so von David Caruso besessen, dass sie eine gnadenlose Anti-Schnitzer-Webseite selbst ins Leben rief, um zu demonstrieren, dass mit ihr nicht zu spaßen ist.

Mexiko ist mit Österreich befreundet

Mexiko ist ein befreundetes Land zu Österreich. Schnitzer weiß das vermutlich: Mexiko hat als einziges Land
den Hitler-Anschluss Österreichs an Deutschland am 12. März 1938 offiziell abgelehnt. Heute erinnert der "Mexikoplatz" in Wien mit einem Gedenkstein an diese politische Großtat.

In Mexiko sind schon größere Gauner, vor allem amerikanische, untergetaucht. Das Landesgericht Innsbruck wird sich in dieser "weltumspannenden Causa" wohl noch etwas gedulden müssen. Und kann noch viele CSI-Folgen gucken, bis Heidi Schnitzer vor Gericht erscheint.

+++

Unter diesen Nicknames soll Heidi aus den Tiroler Bergen in diversesten Foren ihr Fachwissen zu David Caruso posten: "Vixen", "Dixiebabe" (IMDb.com), "Horatiolover" (TVGuide.com), "SouthernBelle98" (TVGuide.com), "Anonymous", "Cole", "Karen Spelling", "QB2die4" (Zimbio), "DavidCaruso" (Zimbio), "DiamondsandHearts" (Zimbio), "Mermaid7" (Digg), "StealthQueen" (Digg), "KillerQueen2" (Digg),
"CrazyRabbit2" (Digg), "QueenBitch2die4" (Digg).

Marcus J. Oswald (Ressort: Stalking)

Sure, the arena was gleaming, and the ice looked lovely but aside from that, there was a distinct lack of things to do when a game wasn't in progress. I've always viewed the play-off weekend as an event rather than a collection of hockey games, but it's becoming less and less so. Cast your mind back to the very first play-off final weekend held in Nottingham. The olympic rink was packed with stalls and games, the exterior courtyard was decked out wonderfully with banners and colour. The concourses had plenty of stalls too, with trinkets and interesting items to buy. What on earth happened to that?

In case you were unaware, the 07/08 play-off finals weekend was substantially subsidised by Nottingham City Council as part of the successful attempt to retain the weekend for the next few years. Hwever, ticket prices went up again and the quality went down. The exteroir courtyard held nothing but a cavernous beer tent and a little 'rink' for the kiddies. The olympic rink was empty, and the concourse held less stalls than ever before.

Where did this extra investment go? It doesn't take David Caruso to figure this one out - the EIHL coffers. This is the flagship occasion of the British ice hockey season and it strikes me that the organisers of the weekend planned through their wallets. "We'll skimp on the detail, give them the hockey and watch the profits roll in." This would almost be understandable - if not acceptable - at an event such as the prestigious FA Cup final of football, the fans would turn up in their droves regardless of the product.

British hockey however does not have such a following, and whilst we sit in the middle of this (irritating media buzzword that i hate using) 'credit crunch', the fans may decide that the show put on is simply not worth £60/70 of their hard earned wages. My opinion is that the league needs to stop thinking about immediate profit, and start thinking of the long-term benefits of investing in the fans today.

I have concocted a few ideas through the years, and whilst i'm perfectly aware that things are not quite as simple as i make out here, i don't believe that it will do any harm to try them out. I mentioned the word 'prestige' earlier, and i think this is one of many keys to bringing new fans into the game.

During the weekend, and for a week or so before it, make the play-off weekend be EVERYWHERE. Hang banners from the flagpoles running parallel along the new Market Square with adverts for the finals weekend and the teams partaking in it. Make up posters and plaster them all over the city. Look to set up promotional offers and events in the cities bars, shops and parks. I can guarantee that there wouldn't be a single shop in Nottingham that wouldn't like to get their name into the public sphere further. It's a win/win for both sides.

Now, i'm aware that those ideas may not affect ticket sales too much that year, but i believe the long-term effects of this investment would be noticeable. As Saturday night TV gets worse and football hooliganism again raises its ugly head, families are looking for ways to spend their evenings out of the house and also possibly for a safe sport to follow. These posters/banners/promotions are eventually going to catch their sons/mums/dads eye and it's a domino effect from there. In all my years of following the Panthers, i have never once brought a newbie along to a game who has not walked away having loved it. I've always maintained that it's merely a task of getting them into the building, the game will take care of the rest.

Back to the arena itself, i defy anyone to convince me that more events cannot be afforded, and with a little bit of cheek and a touch of sponsorship nous, it could be done cheaply too. Look to Trent FM, to NASN, to Capital One, to Forest even to put on a stall or a game with their name on it. British hockey sides never usually have a problem with sponsorship deals, so let's get them out there.

There was also a disappointing lack of memorabilia last season. I brought along a first-time play-offer and ridiculous impulse buyer to the weekend and he was disappointed by how little stuff you could pick up. T-shirts, pucks, jerseys and that are all well and good, but expand the line a little. Things like dedicated NHL stands would go down well, i've always thought that a whole line of replica jerseys would sell like hot cakes.

Frankly, i'm amazed i've got this far without mentioning ticket prices. If you decided to buy after February 25th last year, you would have been faced with the non-too-diminuitive price of £75 for the weekend! If you could only afford/find the time to come down for one day it would have cost you either £43 or £48 for Saturday and Sunday respectively. Yes, you read that correctly, £48 to watch a youth game and a final in which it is highly possible that your team is not even going to be involved in. How on earth can they justify this pricing scheme to anyone? Especially when part of the cost of the event had been previously subsidised? Even if you bought the 'early bird' (cheapest) weekend pass, it would have cost you £22.66 per competitive game! To my knowledge, that's at least 30% more than any Elite League side charges for its most expensive seat to a league game. People talk a lot (and correctly too) about football clubs ripping off their fans with ticket prices, but at least they are taking a calculated risk with their inflated fanbase. Hockey most certainly cannot continue to keep taking their fans for a ride and milking them for everything they've got, that's if the empty seats this year were anything to go by anyway.

To conclude, there's a very good chance that a lot of these ideas may prove to be too poorly cost-effective, or just fall flat on their face, i couldn't possibly say. If they were implemented though, even for one season, at least something would have been tried, the ambition to improve would have been made and i'm sure the fans would appreciate that. One thing is for sure, hockey in this country needs as many fans as it can get, and it needs a strong flagship event to help do this. In this modern time of financial hardship for many, if the product doesn't begin to improve or the price doesn't come down, these people will start thinking that the Elite League Play-Off Finals weekend is a luxury they just cannot justify.

---

NB - If anyone involved in the organisation of the weekend is reading this, i would love for you to contact me and explain in better detail the state of the weekend.

1. Memo to corporate America: Please stop co-opting my childhood to sell your stupid crap.

It's already bad enough that I can hardly listen to The Who without seeing scenes from CSI: Whatever in my head (nothing like some bad David Caruso acting to ruin a rousing "Won't Get Fooled Again"). But now JC Penny has to go and destroy one of my favorite movies of all time--The Breakfast Club--in an attempt to sell back-to-school clothes. And, yes--I'm not so naive that I don't realize that the artists are culpable here as well--The Who's songs don't just magically appear over the credits of a TV show, and I'm assuming that some licensing agreement was made in order to recreate scenes from The Breakfast Club (although, the scenes aren't recreated exactly as they are in the movie and for my money, the whole thing falls under the definition of a parody, thus making this train wreck absolutely legal regardless of permissions).

But while parody is one thing (I love it when shows like Family Guy make fun of '80s institutions, because it's like a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge to their audience. Plus, it's usually hysterical), taking iconic songs and films from the past and using them to market a TV show or sell clothes always seems a little...well...gross to me somehow. In fact, I'm usually less inclined to watch whatever show or buy whatever product because I'm just rubbed so completely the wrong way.

So if somebody decides to start using "Hungry Like the Wolf" to sell popcorn, then I guess I'm fucked because two of my favorite things will be ruined for me.

2. Just who the hell is the audience for this thing anyway?

When the time came to buy fall clothes in my house, my mom and I (and later, once I started working, just me) would go to the mall and we'd just veer wherever I found clothes that suited whatever I thought was cool at the time (and then she'd say, "You're not planning on buying that, are you?" or "I am not buying that for you." And then we'd fight and then I'd end up with clothes I totally hated and people would laugh at me. But I digress.). But regardless of who was actually purchasing the clothes, the point here is that I was the consumer--I was the one making the decisions about what stores to enter and what clothes to look at, at least initially.

And as today's teens have more money than ever (whether earned or given to them by their parents), they have awesome power as consumers. So why did JC Penny choose to ape a movie that was released before any of them were born (and let's just have a moment of silence over the fact that The Breakfast Club was first released nearly twenty-five years ago. Sigh.)? While I know that the film has endured in the pop culture cannon, would most tweens and teens get the reference (and I know some particularly savvy kids probably would, but what about the kids who are ingesting a daily diet of Hannah Montana or Lil' Wayne or Fall Out Boy or the Jonas Brothers or whatever travesty is coming down the pike these days. Would they get it?)? And even if they get it, will it make them want to rush headlong into a JC Penny for some cool threads?

I thought that perhaps the target audience for the ad was maybe the parents of the kids rather than the kids themselves (and let's have another moment of silence to observe the fact that people my age are actually old enough to have kids in high school). But again, while the parents may control the purse strings, the kids are the ones who are actually yanking the purse strings around the mall. And I could be misremembering things here, but I don't recall my mother and I ever entering a particular store on the strength of a commercial that mimicked scenes from Rebel Without a Cause  or Tammy.

So, um, yeah--the audience thing baffles me.

3. And don't even get me started on the kids in this commercial. Oh, wait...here I go...

The point of The Breakfast Club was that regardless of whatever high school stereotype we exemplified on the outside--the brain, the jock, the princess, the criminal, or the basket case--we were all dealing with the same emotional black holes on the inside. I always thought that the message was why the film became such a classic. I mean, what teenager can't relate to that sentiment? And I know that personally, thinking about the film helped me get through those rough patches in high school when I thought that the popular kids couldn't possibly understand anything that my friends and I were about--I'd think back on the movie and try to remember that deep down, we were all just human beings of about the same age, trying to deal with the same shit in our own ways.

Um, so thanks, JC Penny, for ruining the message of the film for me. As you can see if you watch the clip, not only are the kids in this Breakfast Cluster-Fuck the same on the inside, they're the same on the outside, too, all of them looking like the preppy spawn of princess Claire Standish and jock Andrew Clark. The girl who gets to recreate the iconic Allison (the basket case) scene of her pouring pixie stix onto a sandwich made of bread and Cap'n Crunch is wearing a pink dress. A pink dress, for the love of all that's holy. Somewhere, Ally Sheedy is probably crying. I know I am, anyway. And nowhere in this ad does there appear to be a nerdy Brian or a rebellious Bender (and no, young man who thrusts your fist in the air as you are leaving the school at the end of the commercial--you are no John Bender).  All of these kids are as nicely-dressed (of course--it's a clothing ad) and freshly-scrubbed as your local church youth group. John Bender wouldn't have hesitated to put a cigarette out on one of their foreheads.

So JC Penny takes a film with a moving message about getting beyond typical teenage alienation and twists that into "Buy our clothes, and you'll look cool just like these kids." Barf.

As it's July, I'm assuming I'll have to either endure this insult of a commercial until late August or early September or stop watching TV altogether, and as option #2 isn't likely, I guess I'll just have to let this ad stoke my anger. And I haven't even touched on the awful remake of Simple Minds' "Don't You Forget About Me" by "pop-punk" outfit New Found Glory ("Pop-punk." Bleh. I'm still waiting for the day Johnny Rotten blows snot on the New Found Glorys and Avril Lavignes of the world and they run away crying). Nor have I touched on the fact that the Shermer High School in the ad doesn't look like the Shermer High School in the movie (which was actually two different suburban Chicago high schools in the original film, because as Jay reminds us in Dogma, "There is no Shermer, Illinois."). There's just not enough space in one blog posting to go off in detail on everything that offends me about this commercial.

But at least they tried to get the old-school Illinois licesnse plates right. So boo-yah to you, JCP, for making the effort.

• I can't wait for High School Musical 3. My kids and I bond over HSM DVDs. At three years old, Chelsea practically knows the lyrics to Gabriella and Sharpey's songs--right down to "Everybody quieeeet!" HSM3, due in October 2008, will add to our bedtime repertoire. Zac Efron is cute too! Too bad he's a tad too old to become my son-in-law. And even if I was a cougar, he'd still be too young for me!
• Gossip Girl books. While waiting for the new season of Gossip Girl, I've been reading up on Cecily von Ziegesar's Gossip Girl novels. For those who belong to my generation, Gossip Girl books are the equivalent of Sweet Valley High and later, SVU. The TV series doesn't follow the books, though, but is more of the Beverly Hills 90210 sort: partner-swapping, brand name-dropping, and all.
• Safari and Firefox. A few months back, I converted to Mozilla Firefox when I discovered surfthechannel.com. (The website allowed me to preview TV shows before their airdates on local TV.) Firefox is faster and has fewer pop-ups. Recently, I've also been using Apple Safari for its neater interface. Like Firefox, it  does a better job in blocking pop-ups than Microsoft Internet Explorer. Although both Safari and Firefox take slightly longer than IE to initially load, downloading is faster once they're up and running. There's no way that I'm reverting to IE anytime soon.
• Wade's World. My 19-month old son, Wade, is rivaling his sister in degree of chattiness. Tonight, he said "grasshopper" perfectly, when he pointed to the picture in one of his books! He sings to Shrek and wants to be an ogre. He's not two yet, but we're trying to move up his toilet training if for no other reason than he's already outgrowing his XXL nappies/pull-ups. Any bigger, and he'll be using adult diapers. :) This morning, he was standing up in the bathroom trying to go no.1, and he ended up going no.2 instead. See, this is why we have nannies...
• Weight watching in Hollywood. Eva Longoria, Kate Hudson, Jennifer Love Hewitt... how dare they tip the scales at 120 instead of 100lbs! Result: more revenue for the tabloids and paparazzi. Don't they get it? I'd still rather have any of these women's bods over mine.
• Out of Avamigran. To migraine sufferers like me, this pill isn't just a pain-reliever. It's a lifesaver. Now why has it been out stock for the past month? I need an explanation as to why I have to go back to NSAIDS (and to vomiting) to be relieved of my pain, stat!
• Bye CSI. When spin-off CSI Miami started, Horatio Caine was not a real threat to Grissom dominance, simply because the flavor and ambience of the two shows were distinctly different. The demise of CSI started with the advent of CSI NY, whose ex-marine Mac Taylor presented a more interesting character than the Grissom of post Sara Sidle. But Gil Grissom leaving CSI? Now that, in itself, is a crime.
• Wanted. Of course, my husband wanted to watch this movie for Angelina Jolie, who looked totally anorexic in this flick. With a speaking part of about 50 words, she nonetheless exuded a powerful presence, which explained the camera frequently panning to her even in scenes where her only participation was to watch James McAvoy get beaten up. Between her and Brad Pitt being the man of the Brangelina household? No contest there.

• David Caruso. I know he's supposed to be a douche, but the dude is a great actor!

• Danvers State Insane Asylum - Session 9 was filmed in the real deal. http://www.danversstateinsaneasylum.com/home.html

• It's freakin' scary!

• There's a dude with a mullet and the filmmakers had enough restraint to only make mention of it twice.

• Brad Anderson's awesome Direction!

• The entire cast. I gave Caruso his own mention, but the acting is excellent across the board.

• Music - It's got a pretty minimalist score, but it sets the tone beautifully.

• The "session" tapes. Man those are creepy!

• Simple and easy to follow lobotomy instructions provided!

10:00 - CSI:Miami is on. They were at this house with all these lazers in it. I thought, "Wow, Lazernet". David  Caruso put his glasses on and said "Welcome,....To divorce of the future." and then it screamed out YEEEEEEAAAAHHHH. This show has some of the shittiest dialog.

10:16 - These commercials are either old hippys acting like douchbags about anyolder then 90 or shitty cell phone comercials. why advertise cellphone models? how many people can afford to trade their cellphone in for every new model. How can they make thoose labs look like raves. The lights are all flashy and neon, their is rave music and shit. its a lab, make it serious. its a collection of dbags and bitchy women. It's all attitude, neon shirts, and snide comments. I would think that in a shitty city like miami, even the public buildings should have non-glass walls and flouresent lights. they make the freaken poolboy look a genius mastermind.

10:43 - That was a great sandwich. I'm running low on food though. freakin car commercials. There is this shape i keep thinking off. a square with a smaller square at each bottom corner. I don't know why. I vaguely remember it like Becky's front yard or a kids playroom in Lees District rec center. think the front yard because it was all concrete with a gate at either side. there were big bushes along side one of the gates. the 17 year old is driving a fucking mercades. How the fuck is that fair? I hate how they make Miami look. It looks all post-modern titanium buildings with neon lights and super-model secetaries. I'm reality, its mostly poor cubans and drunken yuppies. I fucking HATE miami. I hate it so much I won't even capitalize the word.

11:22 - I just realized that anime is as corny and formulaic as an old warner-bros cartoon. I could practically see porky pig walking into some of those gags. I keep thinking about old things that seem familiar but I'm not sure if they're real or from a dream. I can "remember" this old theatre with a balcony. It's all dark but the walls are painted goldish. the seats on the balcony extend back and climb the wall until the very top you're barely in your seat. It also tends to remind me of the boardwalk in Ocean City. it justs like a carnival type entertainment where I've been more then once. It is probaby not real but the memory of some old dream. Last night I had a kick ass dream. Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic 4 was working at some old cambridge like school. this guy showed up who was Sue's old teacher. he had a serious crush on her so he made up thing thing about copper. he used the excuse about the copper to talk to mr. Fantastic and see Sue. He demonstrated his process by using Mr. Fantastic in a magic trick. the Old teacher was actually a secret leprochan. he couldn't kill people put he could make it seem like they dead. He replaced Reed because his trick had the doors of the building go flying around the room and replace each other. we had to figure out which doors he had been chained to. The doors went flying around but reed reappeared in the middle of the room instantly. he had been replaced by the leprechan. the fake Mr. fantastic tried to drive the Invisible girl to the leprechan. Meahwhile I'm running around a subrurb like around beckys and i'm fighting the leprechan. I cut him with my pocket knife and he went away but where ever i went things kept happening because i was cursed. Thats about when I woke up. I don't know why I remember that dream. I used to see watching David Letterman as a treat because we were usually away somewhere and I was in a hotel. thats the only time i could see it, when we at hotels and i didn't have a bedtime. I remember some shitty hotels. like roadside, route 66 style motels. It's like there is a light on over my shoulder and my ear is really warm. I think i'm already coming down. Fucking space aliens on letterman. they are kinda bobbing aroung behinds him. PANCAKES! I wonder why John McCain is known for that? Stop kissing Julia Roberts ass. Man should be drilling that ass. The dog scooting his ass over the carpet in that commercial is funny. And why is the dish detergent commercial making me think of a monte carlo casino? I hate mcdonalds. who takes a concept like that that far? I didn't think Billy Crystal was still alive. what has he done since the last City Slickers? Why don't they have a section for summer final grades? I want to know what I got on that paper. I got an 85 in History of Virginia but I don't know about modern military history. I wonder If I can go to the dining hall tomorrow? I feel like Aunt Eileen and Uncle Larry used to live somewhere else. I see it as being very verticle with lots of smoked glass. There was a HUGE basement with room small pods.  Poking fun at misspelling on network television. Yeah this is high enterainment.

12:15 - I think I'm going to wrap this up. I'm coming down and don't really feel like continuing this.

Je l'ai déjà dit auparavant, ma mère aime les trois séries des Experts (CSI). Moi aussi, mais ma passion n'est pas aussi grande que la sienne. Par contre, si elle ne devait qu'avoir le choix entre UNE seule des trois séries, elle choisirait sans remords CSI:Miami. Pourquoi ? Comment dire... Bien que ma mère adore son conjoint, elle adore aussi le personnage d'Horatio Caine joué par David Caruso. Sa chevelure de feu, son empathie à l'égard de tous (contrairement à Grissom dans CSI et Mac Taylor dans CSI:NY qui sont plutôt "froids") et sa volonté d'acier la font frémir. Bref, ai-je besoin de vous dire que malgré la température maussade d'aujourd'hui, ma mère est plus qu'heureuse alors que sort la cinquième saison de CSI:Miami dans la langue de Molière (au Québec, évidemment) ? Ne demandez même pas si elle l'a déjà. Le coffret est dans sa chambre depuis près de 2 heures et prêt à être visionné ce soir (pas toute la saison, mais au moins 2-3 épisodes certainement). 24 épisodes tout frais et inédits de son beau Horatio et de sa bande... Comme quoi le bonheur se résume à pas grand chose, hein ? ;)

Music: I've been considering since yesterday the concept of 'favourite albums' following the Poptimist column on Pitchfork. It is a very individually definable phenomena and one that can change over time vastly. I'm going to write about it in full very soon. But this has prompted me to think about that exact deal and the two albums that I keep coming back to, Daydream Nation by Sonic Youth and Let It Be by The Replacements, have been getting a good chunk of play this week.
The Dodo's Visiter album is growing on me and I got hold of Blue Cheer's Vincebus Eruptum this week, a loud and slow proto-punk masterpiece. I'm still really unsure about My Morning Jacket's latest which is a little too Prince-pastiche for me in places.
Camille remains on the playlist with her new record and I rediscovered one of my girlfriend's favourite records this week, Joy Zipper's American Whip. The album is among the most heartfelt and beautiful in the collection but avoids any sense of soporific lameness by maintaining a posturing cool and recalling the most dreamy parts of JAMC at all times.

Film: Lots of films watched this week. You can read my reviews of Bandit Queen and Alice in the Cities on Screenjabber. I'll tell you in preview that I enjoyed one much more than the other.
I finally caught up with Tarnation this week, Jonathan Caouette's amazing home-made documentary which is really about his mother and the lost generation of those sent to shock therapy by worried parents of the 60s. His story is pretty heartbreaking but what makes the film such a fascinating experience is his heavily underground-influenced visual style which includes many flashing montages of striking, Lynchian images and a wide palette of colours and music cues. It's a nighmarish vision in places but really plays as a tribute to his damaged mother. Highly recommended.
Tom and I also decided it might be fun to re-experience the classic Twins, Ivan Reitman's Arnie/DeVito comedy about the two playing genetically created twins who never meet. It's a pretty average piece of rubbish but the overall concept - that Arnie is the absolute embodiment of perfect humanity and DeVito is all the dregs shlubbed together - is inherently funny. As I say, no classic, but it has a nice number of curio moments and a really odd, completely un-moody performance from David Caruso.
I promise next week will see me watching some better movies.

Books/Comics/Magazines: Great article in GQ about Errol Morris and his craft and a really nice profile of Obama in Esquire. I haven't really taken in either yet.
Scott Pilgrim is on heavy reading rotation in our house now, loving that one. I'm also about to start reading Jeffrey Brown's Clumsy, a painfully autobiographical tale of a young man attempting to lose his virginity.
I'm still on Generation Kill at the moment but I'll finish that off today. It's been a pretty harrowing read, particularly in the latter half where the real horrors of war seem to be seeping through the tough exteriors of the recon marines profiled. It certainly makes you at least question attitudes to war, particularly with regard to criticism of a world no-one who hasn't experience it could ever understand fully. The TV series will be amazing.

Other: I've fallen head over heels in love with Tesco's Finest Chicken Mulligatawny soup. Oh my god. The sheer amount of chicken in the thing. Fan-flipping-tastic.

"...have talent...I know, not like American Idol..." Chelsea Handler chimed in with her usual dry wit and sarcasm. Unfortunately, Berkley took the bait and blurted back, "Right, so many shows celebrate people who don't have anything." I'm not sure how Handler kept a straight face when she replied, "People who don't really have...Hello?"

But talent is not what Reality TV is all about; if it was, Berkley would probably not have been selected to host Step It Up and Dance. Although Elizabeth Berkley has a few acting awards to her credit, she's a new Bravo TV host mainly because of her infamous performance in Showgirls, for which she won a couple of "Razzies." Realty TV is not about talent, it's about finding talent. Reality TV is about people with potential fighting their way for a chance at more than 15 minutes of fame. I don't watch Step It Up and Dance, but I saw a preview for the next episode. One of the professional dancers gets injured while trying to dance suspended in a cage ball. Then the judges tell them they're all up for elimination. Will this be the first time an entire cast goes home at the same time? I won't lose any sleep over the outcome. Berkley shouldn't worry either; she's got a supporting role in CSI Miami, a show that will be around a lot longer than Step It Up and Dance.

PJ

Left: Elizabeth Berkley with David Caruso on CSI Miami

F.Y.I. David Caruso is the fiery-haired idiot who left the popular tv show, NYPD Blue after one season to pursue a big screen movie career and literally “bombed!” After years of big screen failure and after some serious begging to get NYPD Blue to release him from his contract, the now sunglassed idiot bounced back big time as the lead on CBS’s hit tv show spinoff, CSI: Miami.

Don’t leave your popular tv show to pursue a big screen movie career!

Caucasian, are you crazy!

To finish reading the rest of my article please click on Kat is Crazy!

It's about time I go on record as saying that David Caruso is the greatest television police drama actor in the history of the genre.  I defy you to produce an argument to the contrary, as I will defend the above statement to my grave (preferably not a watery grave, as drowning doesn't seem a very pleasant way to go).  Horatio Kane/Det. John Kelly demonstrate all of the finer techniques of good detective/CSI work and are always ready to slide in a smooth, witty quip to cap off a scene.  Don't lie, you are strangely sucked into watching CSI:  Miami whenever you pass it while channel surfing.  It's all about my man David Caruso.  Women want to do him, men want to be him (or, for us at Too Old For Maxim, the black version of him).

Bahahahahahaha!!!! That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Dreams of lame-ass one liners and sunglasses dance in my head. Hahaha.

Anyhoo. Onto the news.

David Caruso (of the hit crime drama CSI: Miami) is apparently being stalked by an Austrian woman. On a slightly less hilarious note, she threatened to kill Caruso and recently did not show up for her own trial.

You can read the whole article here.

Yeah, we’ve all been there. The facts all lead to the ultimate conclusion that it was actually her fault. The only thing left after this CSI investigation of blame is David Caruso tilting his head and shoving on that pair of mini-mart sunglasses offering a witty one-liner to end the scene. The problem is, that championship feeling one gets after a lopsided victory seems bitter and cold. Why? It’s because the lady is pissed. And we know what that means.

Doghouse.

So let’s back this pain train up for a minute. In reality, anything that’s blamed on her is actually a test. She’s trying to determine the type of man that would call out a compassionate, kind, and generous individual like herself. Boy, did he just fail that one. Many a man has fell flat on his face when the oral exam of blame comes up. All he needed to do was to fess up and let her know that yes, it was indeed his fault for everything. That simple gesture would have saved 3 hours of negotiation and a bouquet of flowers/box of candies/stuffed bear holding a heart with the words “I love you beary much”.

Yes, it is a lose/lose situation trying to argue with her assessment. Females are not accustomed to working in the realm of “logic” and “facts”. This type of reasoning does not hold a candle to her arbitrary judgment system. It is pretty much her way or the highway. So unless one plans on being celibate for the rest of his life, commit this to memory: She’s always right.

Deal with it.

Especialistas Forenses são realmente necessários em Innsbruck, cidade da Austria.

Principalmente se for para encontrar uma mulher que não apareceu em seu julgamente por perseguir um dos membros do elenco de CSI: Miami, David Caruso.

Não está entendendo nada, certo? Vou tentar explicar...

De acordo com authoridades, uma mulher de 41 anos, da região de Tyrol (conhecida pela famosa e folclórica canção tirolesa dos alpes - aquele iolulei dos infernos que as camponesas austríacas cantam) é suspeita de ter enviado mais de 100 cartas a Caruso, incluindo ameaças de morte por não ter lhe dado um autógrafo - até aqui eu totalmente a entendo!!! rs

A loucura é confirmada por trechos revelados das tais cartas, como "Eu vou achar você e essa sua vagabundinha latina horrorosa, e vou matá-los." Ninguém sabe ainda quem é a tal "vagabunda" em questão. Palpite: já consideraram a atriz Alana De La Garza, que interpretou a esposa de Caruso no seriado???

Se for ela, não paramos por aí. O pior de todos os problemas está por vir. É que a tal personagem já bateu as botas na história!!! Ela foi assassinada por traficantes. Será que foi a mando da tirolesa maluca?

Como disse, a suspeita não apareceu no tribunal nesta quarta-feira. Também não é a primeira vez que ela deixa de comparecer a seu próprio julgamento. Em julho de 2007 ela deixou todos os presentes da corte esperando.

Um exame psiquiátrico realizado a pedido de um juiz diagnostificou que a tal suspeita tem uma "profunda desordem de personalidade." - Pois se ela não tivesse, eu é que teria!!!

Será que "a perseguidora de CSI: Innsbruck" (como ela tem sido chamada pela mídia local austríaca) deve preocupar a cabeça de Caruso, ou dos fãs de CSI? Ou somente render boas risadas?

Fonte: the hollywood reporter