This is Your Nation on White Privilege

September 13, 2008, 2:01 pm

This is Your Nation on White Privilege 

By Tim Wise*

For those who still can’t grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help. White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because “every family has challenges,” even as black and Latino families with similar “challenges” are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay. 

White privilege is when you can call yourself a “fuckin’ redneck,” like Bristol Palin’s boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll “kick their fuckin' ass,” and talk about how you like to “shoot shit” for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don’t all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you’re “untested.”


White privilege is being able to say that you support the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance because “if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it’s good enough for me,” and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the “under God” part wasn’t added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.


White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.


White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was “Alaska first,” and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she’s being disrespectful.


White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you’re being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you’re somehow being mean, or even sexist.


White privilege is being able to convince white women who don’t even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a “second look.”


White privilege is being able to fire people who didn’t support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.


White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God’s punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you’re just a good church-going Christian, but if you’re black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you’re an extremist who probably hates America.


White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a “trick question,” while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O’Reilly means you’re dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.


White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a “light” burden.


And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren’t sure about that whole “change” thing. Ya know, it’s just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain…


White privilege is, in short, the problem.

*Tim Wise is among the most prominent anti-racist writers and activists in the U.S., and has been called, "One of the most brilliant, articulate and courageous critics of white privilege in the nation," by best-selling author and professor Michael Eric Dyson, of Georgetown University. Wise has spoken in 48 states, and on over 400 college campuses, including Harvard, Stanford, and the Law Schools at Yale and Columbia, and has spoken to community groups around the nation.

TimWise.org

What... did you expect them to talk about John McCain?

Andrew Romano

With the release this morning of its latest ad, "Disrespectful," the McCain operation continues its transformation from a "campaign for the presidency" to "an effort to depict Sarah Palin as the victim of rampant sexism." Personally, I'm not particularly interested in the parts of the ad that claim Obama and Co. "lashed out" at Palin by saying she was "doing what she was told" and "call[ing] her a liar." That's because I'm not sure how either of those two charges is sexist, or even "disrespectful," really. In the first case, the quote, which is supposed to imply that Palin was meekly following orders, was taken completely out of context; originally, David Axelrod said that Palin made a false claim about Obama's legislative record and added, "maybe that's what she was told." The new sexism: people telling other people things! As for the second accusation, come on. It's not chauvinist--or disrespectful--to point out when your opponent is lying. Even if she's a woman. This is politics..

Read the Whole story here!

HT: (Via Gateway Pundit.)

Oh Brother!... Now It's Racist to Say "Disrespectful"

FactCheck is also responsible for noticing the violation of the truce; it caught the McCain camp airing the ad in Denver on Thursday, the seventh anniversary of 9/11. And there's another glaring sign I just noticed -- if you look at the YouTube page for the ad, it says the video was added on Sept. 11, 2008.

The spot itself, titled "Disrespectful," is more push-back against criticism of Sarah Palin. In this case, as with other similar ads the McCain camp has put out, the criticism discussed is largely fictional. FactCheck has three points summing up the distortions in the ad:

• The ad says "they said she was doing 'what she was told.'" But the Obama adviser who's being quoted didn't accuse Palin of meekly following orders. What he actually said is that she made a false claim about Obama's legislative record and added, "maybe that's what she was told.
• It says "they lashed out at Sarah Palin; dismissed her as 'good looking,'" But "they" didn't lash out at all. Obama -- who is the one pictured -- didn't say anything like that. The only one the McCain campaign quotes is Obama's running mate, Biden, and he actually offered the remark as a compliment. Biden said the "obvious" difference between Palin and himself is "she's good looking."
• The ad says Obama was "disrespectful" when he accused Palin of "lying" about her record. But the truth is Palin's claim to have "said no" to the "bridge to nowhere" is indeed a dubious one, as we and many have pointed out.

You want to talk about DISRESPECTFUL?! John McCain's campaign can't even stop their lying smears for ONE DAY to honor those who were affected by 9/11. John McCain's campaign can't even keep a simple promise to put down the sabers for 24 hours. Despicable. Lying. Despicable. Twisted. McCain/Palin CANNOT happen. Vote Obama, a man at least who can honor his word on a day of solemnity and national solidarity. For God's sake people.

When you can't even do more than grab 4 words from Obama or Biden without putting them into context, what does that say about the state of your own desperation?

Seriously, they put "...lying..." in quotation marks and expect us to believe that is all they said about Palin in the matter. How stupid does the McCain camp believe the American people to be?

But since the McCain camp likes to play foul with the truth, I'll lay it out for you.

Fact #1: The good looking statement comes from the blog of ABC News bureau chief Jake Tapper and what Biden had actually said was:

"From our perspective the whole deal is how does the government help you get back up without getting in the way?" Biden asked. "There's a gigantic - gigantic -- difference between John McCain and Barack Obama, and between me and I suspect my vice presidential opponent. And that is that - "

The crowd laughed.

"Well there's obvious differences," Biden said, beginning to ham it up. "She's good looking," he said, laughing. "You know there's obvious differences. But there's a whole lot -- "

The actual thrust of the joke being that Joe is ugly and of course, woe on you if you mention his hair plugs.

Fact #2: Fairly large distortion here, and yet another quotation from a blog, this time Ben Smith's of Politico:

"She tried to attack Obama by saying he had no significant legislative accomplishments - maybe that's what she was told - but she should talk to Sen. Lugar, talk to Sen. Coburn, talk to people across the aisle in Illinois where he passed dozens of major laws to expand health care reform welfare, reduce taxes on working families. So I think she had an assignment and she went out and she discharged it."

Oooooh, how insidious, she was told to repeat the Republican talking points. Ooooooh.

Fact #3: That Obama said Palin was lying, thats true, or at least, partly. He actually called both Palin and McCain liars via this ad:

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.1555978&w=425&h=350&fv=videoId%3D1782584531%26playerId%3D1185304443%26viewerSecureGatewayURL%3Dhttps%3A%2F%2Fconsole.brightcove.com%2Fservices%2Famfgateway%26servicesURL%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fservices.brightcove.com%2Fservices%26cdnURL%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fadmin.brightcove.com%26domain%3Dembed%26autoStart%3Dfalse%26]

But the subject material from which Obama casts Palin into the 'liar's club,' supposedly the bridge to nowhere issue, is legit.

Factcheck points out:

The ad says Obama was "disrespectful" when he accused Palin of "lying" about her record. But the truth is Palin's claim to have "said no" to the "bridge to nowhere" is indeed a dubious one, as we and many have pointed out.

So there you go.

In hindsight, hopefully, the McCain camp will look back and see that when defending themselves on the charge of lying, using half-truth's and already debunked personal myths isn't the way to go about it.

-Marc-

James you have gone too far........

Any way the "good pastor" takes this opportunity to defend Sarah Palin ( Republican Vice Presidential) and her pregnant 17 year old daughter Bristol Palin. He then goes OFF on Barack Obama, his mother and his father.

[Thanks Nessa]

Your thoughts please....

There are just certain things that just bug me so much. Today, at my internship, one of the employee's father died. It was a grieving moment for her, however, some took the chance to announce the death to everyone. Not only was it their business to bring it up in conversations, but to call people randomly and announce it to them? I find that very disrespectful to the person and their family. I don't know but that bugged me all day.

This whole sadness reminded me of death of my friend JD Richards, who I dearly miss, and the recent death of Todd Doxey. I miss you boys like crazy and I know you are watching over us. We still keep you in our prayers today! RIP

xoxo

Sarah is to be commended for her seamless delivery of this one-man act, peopled as it was with such a diversity of characters: plucky, all-American hockey-mom of five (being unfairly persecuted by the elite liberal media) who rose to be mayor of Wasilla (a small town, whose size is being disrespected by the elite, liberal media), and who then rose to become governor of Alaska (a state which, if you elect Sarah Palin,  promises to give us cheap gas and oil, reduce our dependence on foreign oil, and staunch terrorism everywhere), whereby she proved her skills as a maverick politician, bucking a corrupt, good-old-boy system to restore truth and transparency to Alaskan politics (pay no mind to the man behind the curtain) and will do the same for the corrupt, good-old-boy system in Washington (which is run by politicians whose job skills pale in comparison to hers) because, for one thing, she represents 'real' Americans, (not those bitter, unpatriotic ones who aren't proud of their country in both good and bad times, such as when that country lets its citizens fall, en masse, through the cracks into joblessness and financial despair, while paying $16 billion per month for two wars, while its leadership has become the scorn and ridicule of the world, for its lawlessness and bullying) not those liberal, elist democrats, who know nothing about fiscal responsibility, and just want to spend, spend, spend and run our lives through big government (that's $140 per bitter household, per month, to fund the two wars) and, for another thing, she is better qualified to be vice-president than Barack Obama and Joe Biden rolled together (her qualifications, by now, should be self-evident to all, unless you're with the liberal, elitist media) and, plus, she can 'hold her own' against the big boys (careful on your attacks, angry elitist liberals, or they'll pull the sexism-card) as we saw in the sarcastic, condescending, disrespectful attacks she so skillfully waged, and with such relish, on Obama and Biden (as their class act -- evidenced in the constant, outward respect they've shown for Sarah and her family this week -- was lost on her, which I guess makes Obama and Biden weak on terror), proving that Sarah Palin is therefore tough enough to stand up to the terrorists and terrorist nations in the world (how, exactly, do you pronounce all these crazy Islamic terrorist words?)  and ready to carry the maverick mantle with her running-mate, John McCain (did I mention he's a POW?) all the way to the White House, where she is prepared, on day one, to be vice-president, a mere heartbeat from the presidency (“What is it, exactly, that the VP does every day?”)

The problem is -- the same as it was before she delivered her speech celebre -- Sarah Palin can only aspire to *act* as if she had command of the facts, can only aspire to *act* as if has the depth of experience to qualify her to competently hold high office, can only aspire to *act* presidential. And she can only aspire to maintain this act, so long as there is a crew of players behind the scenes to arrange the sets and feed her the lines. 

This was the very problem from which George Bush (and, by extension, all of us) suffered for the past 8 years. He brought to the White House a college degree in business, a term as governor, and a set of ideals borrowed from his father. He brought little else in the way of credentials, unless you count his bull-headed insistence that he knew what he was doing, despite his profound ignorance of constitutional law and political science, and a perplexing lack of curiosity over the goings-on in his administration. Here, he was ready-made to be the very leader he became: a hapless, button-eyed puppet to a man named Dick Cheney who did, indeed, own an impressive command of the facts -- not to mention a shrewd eye for business, as CEO of a corporation whose life blood is war and oil, and a shrewd team of lawyers, such as David Addington, who exploited and tinkered with the the Constitution to give Dick Cheney unprecedented power.

The State of the Union

In the wake of this malignant tinkering, our government body, our Constitution and our Bill of Rights have undergone radical changes over the past 8 years, the likes of which most Americans are unaware and would be incredulous to believe. In the course of this change, the checks and balances in our Constitution -- designed to protect us from such an invasion from within -- were exploited by Cheney and Addington to render powerless any attempt to cut such a malignancy from the government body. When people say that Dick Cheney is the most powerful man in the world, it is no hyperbole. And when people say that Dick Addington is the most powerful man you've never known, they are not kidding. For evidence, one need look no further than the powerlessness of our lawmakers on Capitol Hill, despite that some have fought tooth and nail to stop this seemingly unstoppable force that has undermined our Constitution and our democracy.

The video, below, gives about as succinct an example as you could find. Here, in the Senate Judiciary Subcommittee hearing this past June, committee members sought answers to a simple question: "Could our president order the torturing of the children of terrorist suspects, or the live burial of terrorist suspects, to extract information?" In the skilled hands of Cheney attorneys, Addington and Yoo, it is possible to dodge answers and stonewall the hearings, through clever semantics, legal "sleights of hand," and stalling to run-out the clock on the 5-minute time limit on testimony. Most Americans are oblivious to the existence of such hearings, which makes all the more concerning the blind acceptance many Americans have extended to Sarah Palin's thin credentials. This shows a lack of understanding, an ignorance of the real-time issues a president confronts in the course of his or her job -- issues that are layered in myriad nuances, that require specific skills and depths of experience. These credentials are sorely lacking in Sarah Palin. Her ridicule of Barack Obama during her speech, when she jeered that he is the sort who would stand up for the rights of terrorist suspects, demanding they be read their rights, reveals a proufoundly dangerous way of thinking for a leader of a democratic society. Granted, there are many, many Americans who would advocate and cheer-on the hanging death of terrorist suspects, without due process or a trial to prove or disprove their innocence. Those who believe it is fair for an innocent human being to be punished for the actions of others, are no different from those very terrorists we claim to abhor.

Americans wave the flag as vigorously today as they did 8 years ago, even as the democracy over which that flag unfurls has become a shadow of its former self. Constitutional law may not be as sexy as mooseburgers, assault rifles and hockey moms but, when it comes to maintaining a democracy, the Constitution has proven itself to be indispensible for over 200 years. What this country needs, first and foremost, is a strong leader with an eye toward restoring our moral compass, and with the knowledge, experience and ability to work with our other lawmakers to restore our Constitution. Without this, the flag we honor represents a democracy that no longer quite exists, except in myth. 

Substance vs. Subtext

There are many in this country who felt a certain gratitude this past May, when Sen. Obama announced one of the goals he intends to accomplish during his first 100 days in office: “I would call my attorney general in and review every single executive order issued by George Bush and overturn those laws or executive decisions that I feel violate the constitution.” Being a Harvard law school graduate, and serving as the president of the Harvard Law Review, and teaching constitutional law for 12 years affords him the credentials to not only aspire to such a task, but to undertake it with some competency. Indeed, some would rightfully claim that the six years Obama served in the Illinois State Senate, followed by nearly 4 years in the U.S. Senate, only add these credentials. There is little doubt that he would receive a wide round of applause from his fellow lawmakers in Congress for undertaking this necessary and most patriotic task to restore our Constitution to its pre-Cheney integrity. This is but one step, and a tiny one at that, given the enormity of change our country has seen over the past 8 years -- change that could never have taken place in the open, but which thrived in dark secrecy, which is why so few Americans appreciate the urgency of what lies before us.   

Sarah Palin said it best near the end of her speech: "For a season, a gifted speaker can inspire with his words."

Sarah Palin may very well be a woman deserving of a mother-of-the-year award and an award for the most popular governor in the country. She would make an inspiring spokesperson for pro-lifers, and a powerful role model for business women everywhere. She needn't be vice-president to deliver Alaskan oil to the American people. She needn't be vice-president to address the ongoing need to erase sexism in this country. She can develop this role in her current position as governor of Alaska. 

But Sarah Palin is not ready to be leader of this country, particularly as we emerge from such a dark chapter in the history of our democracy. She gives a great speech, but owns such a shallow command of the facts, as to be dangerous. Here, Sarah Palin is ready-made to be just the leader she's being groomed to be: a walking, talking PR campaign, whose job is to deliver scripted pep talks, to inspire the uninspired into believing there's nothing wrong with this country that can't be fixed with some good old-fashioned, Sarah Palin-style Alaska politics because, godknows, there surely couldn't be millions of others out here who, given license, could parade out onto a stage and speak with such authority over events of which they know next-to-nothing, thereby insulting an entire country of thinking, intelligent people -- men and women alike, but especially women, and most especially those women truly qualified to the vice-presidency. I'd like to think, anyway, that few would embarrass us, as she did, by the cheap relish she enjoyed while hurling the sarcastic, condescending insults she was scripted to wage at her opponents. 

I Feel a Gag Order Coming On

In this vein, we are going to see, in the coming days, the media coerced into silencing the voices of dissent against Sarah Palin. Or, at the very least, softening the criticism. After all, she's a woman. The media will comply, of course. After all, they're a business. They'll bend over backward to avoid getting stuck again with that damned sexist label and being shut-out by the McCain campaign. Maybe 10, 20 years down the road, women will rise again, demanding not only the same rights as men, but the same treatment and the same expectations. For now, chin up, America. Sarah's got your back. The show must, the show will go on. And, with your help, Sarah Palin is ready to step into George Bush's shoes and reprise the role of hapless, albeit more glamorous, button-eyed puppet to the Cheney agenda for war and oil, rot and ruin. The American public believes otherwise at their own peril.

______________________________________

by Mantis Katz, for the canarypapers

_____________________________________

Who does she think she is???

This isn't shown in the footage above, but after they presented legendary crooner Tony Bennett (82) with a lifetime achievement award, Lilly drunkenly said, "I'd still f**k him". 

SMH!!!!!

I cannot stand the woman and Elton should have bitch slapped the silly little fool across the room!  

Lilly loves to play the 'yeah I'm down with the streets and the working class' routine. The 'look look look at me I'm a rebel routine. But in reality she attended an exclusive private school and comes from a wealthy middle class background. And the only reason she was able to get a record deal is because her father is acclaimed British television actor, Keith Allen.

Just sit down and shut up posh girl, and sort out your drink problem. You dutty drunkard.

Bob was mean and didn't need God, until he nearly died in jail.

Picture Source

Hip-Hop entrepreneur Damon Dash is being sued by Eastern Savings Bank, for missing the monthly mortgage payments on a pair of Manhattan apartments. According to a lawsuit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Dash has failed the $78,504 monthly note for the apartments since January. Dash is in danger of losing the apartments, which are located in the trendy Sugar Warehouse and in the Atalanta. Dash, who founded Roc-A-Fella Records with Jay-Z in 1996, also faces over $10,000 in late fees on the $7.3 million mortgage. The lawsuit also cites a number of judgments against Dash, including a $2 million tax bill owed to the state of New York, $100,000 in federal taxes and $95,000 in unpaid rent to house the offices of Damon Dash Enterprises. Continue Reading....

Damon Dash made a lot of money, soaked up the fame and adulation that came with being part owner of Roc-A-Fella Records, and then talked down to people, treating them like they were something on the bottom of his shoe ( a long with the then known silent partner of Roc-A-Fella Records, the hoggish Kareem 'Biggs' Burke).

Fast forward to 2008.... Dash now has been banished in to the music industry wilderness, he has been relegated to Z-list celebrity status, his current business ventures have failed to connect with consumers, and now he owes the tax man a huge amount of money, and to top it of is in mortgage arears.

I don't like to knock a man when he is down but that Karma is one bad bitch!

Remember folks, try to be nice and respectful to people on your way up, because you will meet those very same people on your way down!

Here endeth the lesson!

Every woman has a friend who's always the sideshow and never the main event but somehow manages to think she's somebody's girlfriend. There's never very much dating in her "dating" life, at all. You hear about the guys she's seeing, but you never see them. From the very beginning, their "dates" consist mainly of him coming to visit her apartment or her driving to visit him. Usually, the visits are conveniently after clubs and lounges close. The only connection you perceive between them is physical. Yet, instead of calling the tryst what it is, your friend SWEARS that this guy is her "boyfriend." You don't quite get it, because it makes her look foolish. But, it's not your business, so you just grin & nod when she goes on and on about her new love.  You let her take that trip to the moon on gossamer wings.

Ok, so maybe it's not a "friend" I referenced above. Maybe it's you. Every woman has gone through this at some point. Maybe there's a first date, but not many thereafter. He's infatuated with all things physical, but not much else. You hear about him hanging out with his friends, but it never dawns on you that you've never met them. He talks about the two of you doing things like taking trips or nice dinners, but it never happens. So, you settle for his spontaneous visits to your house at ungodly hours. The two of you get along just fine, but something is missing. Eventually, you mention it to him and he dismisses it. He shoots you some lame excuse like, you knew how he was from the beginning. Maybe he tells you that his money is tight. When you ask how he affords to hang out with his friends so much, he tells you to drop it. In your heart you know this guy doesn't value or respect you, but you let him stick around because you're lonely. The worst thing is you portray your "relationship" to your friends as much more than it is. You're just waiting for the house of cards to fall.

You have better things to do! Women who know, value their time. There are hundreds of things you could be doing instead of sitting at home waiting for some marginally interested guy whom you call your man to call you or take you out. Even if you're not sitting at home (we have cell phones these days), you allow him to occupy your thoughts. Think about it, when you're upset, you waste time talking to your girlfriends about it, writing e-mails to him about it, or just thinking about it for hours. That's time you're not spending focused on God, family, friends, or your career. And, guess what? He is not likely spending nearly as much time thinking about not spending time with you.

So...why do some women insist on faux commitments with guys like this? He does nothing for them outside of the bedroom (or maybe he really does nothing there). He shows little respect for their time. Everything they do seems to revolve around his schedule. And, though she talks to all of her friends and family about him, his friends and family know little to nothing about her. Yet, he's their "man." More likely than not, the women do it because they're insecure. They don't think they can do better than what they've got. Or, if they think they can, they don't feel like waiting on Mr. Right. Sometimes, women think they can change the guy into Mr. Right. Wrong answer.

Here are a few hints that you're NOT in a REAL relationship:

1. He can always get you, but you can never get him. We all remember this from Sex in the City when Big was lovesick. Whenever you're with someone and you answer every time he calls, but he seldom answers when you call, you're not in a real relationship.

2. He only calls you late at night. If a man can only find time to call you after every movie show time has passed, every restaurant has closed, every club's cover has jumped up three times, and the only thing to watch on TV is infomercials, you're not in a real relationship. You're getting the time nobody else wanted, anyway.

3. He only visits you late at night. See above. And, you know what he wants--it's not to chat about the future. If you're truly a woman who can have "detached" physical relationships, you wouldn't be hell bent on calling him your man. So, stop fronting. You want more from him than what you're getting, but you think the comfort of his arms somehow makes up for your lack of self-respect. Life will never deliver to you what you deserve until you start behaving like you deserve it. WAKE UP!

4. He always finds an excuse to avoid meeting your friends. In your mind, he's just a busy guy. In reality, meeting your friends just doesn't matter to him. Men who love you eventually want to understand your life outside of your relationship. Men who DON'T care about you could care less.

5. YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE! All of his sentences regarding the two of you hanging out begin with, "Do you want to come over?". Though you are accustomed to better, you convince yourself that conventional dating is superficial and what really matters is that you're spending time together. Right? Wrong. If you enjoy leaving the house every now and again, he's probably aware of that. He's just not interested in obliging you. I'm not promoting some materialistic view of dating, but I've experienced that men who care about me want to make me happy; and, I want to do the same for them.

6. He's a mystery. You know absolutely nothing about him. The two of you never find time to talk about his life outside of your "relationship." Of course, there are some good guys who have trouble opening up to even the people closest to them. But, there are others to whom you feel like total and complete strangers. To these guys, you're not their "girlfriend." At worst, you're just some girl; at best, you're a "cool" girl. In either case, you're nowhere near as important to him as he has become to you.

The bottom line is, placing obligatory labels on a relationship cannot change their true character. You can call someone your "man" or your "boyfriend" until you grow hoarse, but that will not change a thing. Keeping up a facade of a relationship not only tires you, but it makes you look very silly. Treating a disrespectful man as a security blanket not only shields you from what you perceive as loneliness, it also serves as a barrier, keeping away men who may actually treat you as you deserve to be treated. Let your pretend relationship go. It isn't taking you anywhere.

by Dr. Coach Love

I have two or three people in my life who always think they're right,

never admit they’re wrong, don't listen to anyone else, always interrupt, and

poke fun at anyone who disagrees with them. Are they “control freaks”?

They drive me nuts! How can I get them to change? How can I deal with them?

________________________________________________________________

To answer your first question, you are describing a few of the

predominant characteristics of people who are often considered to be

controlling or "control freaks.”

I have identified 7 basic types of controlling people:

1. THE INTERVENER  

2. THE RIGHTEOUS

3. THE SMARTY

4. THE ATTACKER

5. THE RULER

6. THE STEAMROLLER

7. THE BUTTINSKY

I will be offering descriptions of these 7 types on this web site under

Quizzes/Lists.

Many control freaks demonstrate characteristics of more than one of

the seven basic types. Some ways are more effective than others

to deal with controlling people.  The biggest temptation often becomes

to try to control them in return.  That never works. Strategies can be

learned to improve your relationship, or at least cut down on the annoyance

 and the impact of the controlling person.

But before changing the way you deal with any controlling person

in your life, consider these thoughts:

v     Do any of the seven types of controlling people

                 sound like you--by chance? Even a little?

v     Can you replay your memory tapes of conversations

                 you have with coworkers, friends, or family?

                 What do you hear when you do?

v     Try soliciting feedback from trusted people in your life.

                 How do they describe you?

v     Sometimes it takes a control freak to know one

                 (or at least a reformed control freak).

Remember, controlling behavior is intrusive and interferes with

productive, cooperative, and pleasant relationships in any setting,

personal or business.  “Control freaks” are often avoided by others because

they continually show disrespect toward others. Yet, frequently, they

do not recognize their behavior as controlling.

They can be as clueless as a brick.

Whether you are dealing with “control freaks” or if you think YOU

might be a “control freak” in your business or personal relationships,

check back for tips on control freaks and watch for the related lists,

quizzes, and reflections listed below.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Regards,

Dr. Coach Love

MORE INFO LINKS: Lists-Control Freaks-7 Types;

                                           Dealing with Control Freaks-9 Tips (Coming Soon);

                                  Posts- Pt2 8/16/08, Pt3 8/22/08,& Pt4 8/25/08;

                                  Reflections- Controlling a Control Freak;    

                                  Quizzes-Am I a Control Freak? (Coming Soon) 

v      I invite your comments below.

v      E-mail your relationship coaching questions to DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com.

v      Questions selected will be edited as needed to reflect privacy,

                                    brevity, clarity, and general interest.

v      Sorry, Dr. Coach Love is unable to offer any personal advice through this blog.

v      Check out relationship coaching services at www.HireCoach.com.

©       Copyright 2008 P.H. Pickett, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.

            Contact DrCoachLove@HireCoach.com for permissions.

I am sitting here, listening to someone talking about their Second Life artwork. If I don't let off some steam right here and now, when it gets to be questions time at the end of this disrespectful little travesty of a presentation, I will have no choice but to get up, bite their heads off, throw it on the floor and then proceed to trample on it. And I would really rather not do that - it simply will not do...

The clumsiest of noob avatars, someone who obviously hasn't yet had time enough to even take off their flip flops, is duck waddling around this thing which looks like it was built in a very badly outfitted kindergarten, out of kiddy paper and glue (all cut out with an extremely blunt pair of scissors no doubt); and to add insult to injury, displayed in the full glory of a graphics card which appears to be barely capable of rendering the web safe color palette. To do them justice they did spend the better part of their presentation elucidating us all about the utterly amazing concept that is behind this total joke that goes under the name of virtual f-art and spared us with all the visual minutiae of the actual thing itself!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I am so setting up that dictatorship people - you have no idea!

     I wonder the celebrities that give their public apologies are they sincere or are they just doing there job to keep a fan base? Wow. As celebrities despite how many rap songs they hear with the N word is it their responsibilty to ensure that the language they use at any given time is not offensive to their fan base and even if they truly fill hey way they should bite their tongue, unless they are okay with losing money. 

     I know people who read this may say that black people call themselves the N word or that rappers always say the N word and it seems to be okay. Honestly rapper get beta over the head too for using that type of language, maybe not as much as Actors/Actress but they get it too. Within the black community despite the fact that most are aware of the true meaning it constantly thrown around. I think maybe in the black community when it is said because it has been given its own meaning within the black race meaning friend or homie no matter the race, blacks consider ok to use as a term of endearment. In the communities that use the N word if someone is ya N**er they are your best friend, you can count on them no matter what. Now in no way I'm I saying it is okay for Blacks to it and not Whites. I am just observing that when the word is said between the two races it has to different meanings to the individual groups. The giver may mean it one way but if one is not from the same culture it may be perceived in a different manner.  I want a who read this Blog to continuing reading below. I would like comments from all about how this makes them feel when reading. Also feel free to leave comments on the word in general and what it means to you.

This is the first line from a popular children's story called, "The Ten Little Niggers." it reads like this.
Ten Little Nigger Boys went out to dine;
One choked his little self, and then there were nine.
Nine Little Nigger Boys sat up very late; one overslept, and then there were eight. Eight Little Nigger Boys traveling in Devon; one said he'd stay there, and then there were seven.
Seven Little Nigger Boys chopping up sticks; one chopped himself in halves, and then there were six.
Six Little Nigger Boys playing with a hive; a Bumblebee stung one, and then there were five.
Five Little Nigger Boys going in for Law; one got in Chancery, and then there were four.
Four Little Nigger Boys going out to Sea; A Red Herring swallowed one, and then there were three.
Three Little Nigger Boys walking in the Zoo; the big Bear hugged one, and then there were two;
Two Little Nigger Boys sitting in the Sun; one got frizzled up, and then there was one.
One Little Nigger Boy living all alone; He got married, and then there were none.

CONTINUE READING INFO FROM AFRICAN AMERICAN REGISTRY....

The reality is that many of these uses can be heard in present-day African-American society. Herein lies part of the difficulty: The word, nigger, endures because it is used over and over again, even by the people it insults. Writer Devorah Major said, "It's hard for me to say what someone can or can't say, because I work with language all the time, and I don't want to be limited." Poet and professor Opal Palmer Adisa claims that the use of nigger or nigga is "the same as young people's obsession with swearing. A lot of their use of such language is an internalization of negativity about themselves." Rappers, themselves poets, rap about niggers before mostly White audiences, some of whom see themselves as wiggers (White niggers) and refer to one another as "my niggah." Snoop Doggy Dogg’s single, "You Thought," raps, "Wanna grab a skinny nigga like Snoop Dogg/Cause you like it tall/and work it baby doll." Tupac Shakur’s "Crooked Ass Nigga" lyrics included, "Now I could be a crooked nigga too/When I'm rollin' with my crew." Also rap lyrics that degrade women and glamorize violence reinforce the historical Brute Caricature.

I found a myspace page for the person the my husband has chosen to have a relationship with. You wouldn't believe this...or maybe you would...she had photos of her and my husband holding, hugging, and kissing each other.

I'm gonna be sick!

Okay, so I immediately called my husband to ask him what the F*&(^ At first he ignored my call but I kept calling, then started emailing, and texting...He finally called after a few threatening emails. It is like I always have to threaten to get you to talk with me or get back to me. I hate doing this. It is not who I am...

But I can't continue to have you hurting me and making a fool of me. You lied to me about your relationship with this certain person...she is under the impression that you two are in a relationship. And from the pictures I'm not surprised that she would feel this way.

I just can't believe that you and/or her would post pictures like that. You lied to me about the extent of your relationship with her. Gonna get sick again...Pictures kissing her?! Yack! How could you be so disrespectful? You continued to tell me that you had only kissed that one time even as I was looking at the pictures knowing you were lying. You also said that the whole relationship that you have had with her revolved around that one time, weekend...I don't think I can believe it since the pictures were posted in March and it is now July. You also told me that you have never slept with her. How can this be true? What am I supposed to believe?

At this point, why aren't you just asking me for a divorce? Is it because I said that I wouldn't give it to you until the agreed upon 6month separation was over? Your actions and your words don't match up. I also know that you heart and mind are in conflict too.

After the initial shock and yelling on the phone the conversation turned a bit more calm. However, you kept asking me if I thought that we could get back together...and then saying that you think we are over. And again didn't ask me or even talk about divorce. The conversation continued with discussions on our goings on. What we'd been doing lately, etc. It was actually really nice to talk. You even said so first. You said that we should talk like this more. I completely agree. Becoming somewhat defensive you said but without expectations...fine Husband, whatever.

So that's where we ended it. You telling me that it is over between you and Girl and asking her to remove pictures from site as you two are supposedly over...Oh by the way she only made the site private didn't remove pictures...this shows guilt...maybe again you aren't telling me the whole truth...And setting up a time for us to talk again.

Husband, I think that you are so lost and in turn I'm starting to lose my way also. How can I keep calling you my husband? If I had a friend going through this I would tell her to let him go...yet, I can't convince myself to do the same. I know, know that you have a big problem with letting someone in to love you. You told me this in our conversation. Then you find me, someone who loves you more than anything and wants to be with you forever...and you get scared...you go back to your old patterns, you run...Now it seems like you are starting to realize some of the mistake you have made...But aren't yet willing to take full responsibility and look truth in the eyes.

1번. 첫번째. Donna Summer ! 왕언니.

48년생. 60세에 새 앨범을 내셨다. 왕언니도 일렉트로닉이라는 대세를 이어... 아쉬운면도 있지만 뭐 역시나 그녀의 파워풀함과 포스는 여전한 것 같네요.

 왕언니님의 그 때 그 시절.

와우!

제가 disco 나 soul, funk... black music 에 운명적인 끌림을 느끼고 열광하는 것은 그들의 베이스가 성가, 이어 gospel 에 있기 때문이 아닌가 하는 생각도 해 보았습니다.

그런 면에서, 도나섬머언니는 정말 아름답기 그지없지 않나 생각하는데요. 꼭 gospel 이 아니더라도 도나섬머언니 노래의 제목들을 보면... 뭐랄까... 참 범상치 않은 느낌이랄까요... 어느 분야든 정상을 찍는 사람들에게만 느낄 수 있는 그 뭐랄까... 아무튼 그런거요...

젊었을 때 주연배우만 하다보면, 나이가 들어갈수록 아줌마에서 할머니로... 그렇게 젊은 것들한테 자리를 내어주고 차츰 좁아지는 스스로를 느끼면 ... 아직은 잘 모르지만, 무지 괴로울꺼 같은데요. 더구나 주연이나 1등의 달콤한 맛을 본 사람들에게는 더더욱이 말이죠 !

그럼에도 불구하고 꾸준히 한결같이 묵묵히 자신의 길을 가는 건- 저에게 엄청 감동을 주는 늙어감 입니다.

20대, 30대, 40대... 그 때 그 때 마다 자신의 역할을 스스로 만들어가는 것. 결국은 끊임없이 노래하는 것.

아!!!!!!!!!! 그야말로 섹시한 할머니지요. 네... 전 섹시한 할머니로 늙고 싶습니다.

우리나라에서 가장 부족한 분위기.

60살 된 뮤지션과 그 또래의 관객이나 젊은애들이나  다 같이 신나는게 즐기는 거. 왜 나이들면 무조건 트로트야! 휴...

지금은 안된다 쳐도, 제가 60....2044년... 됐을 때는 기대를 해 봅니다...

HOT STUFF !! 

아, Chaka khan 도 새 노래가 나왔더라구요... 아 샤카칸언니는 53년생... Mary J Blige랑 같이 불렀는데 뭐 조금도 꿀릴께 없네요. 당연한건가

암튼 영상은 아직 없고 노래만!

"Sherdog.com: Your first performance was at UFC 79 and you had a controversial outcome. You were disqualified against James Irvin for striking his face with your knees when he was on the ground. You've got angry with him, saying he was pretending to be injured to stop the fight. Tell us a little about this whole situation.
Cane: The result of this fight was a little disappointing because I was hired by the UFC thinking I would face a real athlete. But in the end, I fought against a coward in a no-heart fight. If that kneeing really knocked him out, any child could do the same. But this fight is already part of the past. My new fight against Lambert will be my true first combat at the event and this time against a real fighter."

It's unfortuante to hear a professional athlete speak like that against a fellow competitor. It is a sign of unsportsmanlike conduct and if this was the NFL there would be a flag on the play or possibly getting booted from the game. I just thought it was really uncalled for. Luis Cane is evidently a talented fighter as he showed against Jason Lambert this past Saturday and it was unfortuante that he had to take a loss the way he did against Irvin. But HE was the one who delivered the illegal blow and it's just plain disrespectful and classless to say Irvin has no heart and to call him a coward and not a real fighter. It will be very interesting one day if Luis Cane ever faces a similar situation as he put James Irvin in. Then we will find out if he has a change of heart. Not cool at all Luis Cane. Not cool.

Here's the video of Luis Cane when he delivered that illegal blow to James Irvin.
[dailymotion id=x5or01]

You can read the rest of Luis Cane's interview with Sherdog here: Luis Cane Sherdog Interview

Second, men react to how women treat them. Men treated as they wish to be treated rise to help fulfill female hopes and dreams. Men treated otherwise become what individual females can’t appreciate; they fulfill unmanly hopes and dreams—toys, parties, girls.  

Feminism inspired women to treat men disrespectfully, because men refuse to step up to the feminist model of what men should be as developed by radical political activists.

It worsens. Feminist-inspired lower standards for men to have access to sex frees up men to conquer more women. Women expect a man’s commitment to be error-proof, but female sisters bait and tease his natural urge to merge.

To compensate themselves but reward men, women declare and practice masculine-style sexual freedom. Women keep lowering the bar for access to frequent and convenient sex, and then blame men for easier jumping. Blame delivers mistreatment.

Looser customs free up men to hunt and conquer. Lowering standards for sex causes women to mistreat men, because men don’t live up to female expectations. Mistreatment causes men to easily tire of or become discouraged by one woman.  

Feminists lowered the drawbridge to sexual freedom, first for men and then for women. So, men have to do little to access the good life of many conquests.

Women buy into feminist theory and dogma. They disrespect the male gender but expect to be respected as females, wives, lovers, shack ups, link ups, hook ups with call ups, and even friends offering benefits. Men continue to mostly respect feminine mystique, female modesty, self-protective standards of morality, female-centeredness, feminine uniqueness, family cohesion, and niceties and gentleness. Men don’t possess such qualities, but they like to associate with experts that specialize.

[Other posts about the Dark Side are 196, 180, 168, 157, 146, 134, 129, 123, 103, 92, 71, 50, 47, and 23. Scroll down or search by the number and then click the title.]

Jun Ya is in jail now, supposedly for her own protection. She'd likely be lynched on sight if she bumped into one of the many infuriated viewers of this footage.

Knowing zero Chinese, I've tried to piece this together from sparse English comments and response videos, like the ones shown below.

She’s a bored teenager without a clue. Her life has been interrupted for something she feels no connection with. Her favorite TV show was probably preempted for the news. Overexposure to the constant outpour of media attention has left her jaded. She's been forced into mourning even though she feels no sorrow. She feels those people deserved what they got and the world shouldn't be rushing to help them.

Now a few million people have seen this video and a bunch of people want to kill her.

Freedom of speech doesn't exist in China! Even if you truly feel nothing for the victims, you should at least either play it up to save face or keep your mouth shut. She just let it fly in a society where that's not an option.

In my opinion, what they should do now is take her down to Sichuan and show her the reality of the situation. It's not just pictures and video! There are real people down there struggling to survive. They're not leeches. The life they knew is completely gone and the place will never be the same again.

Force her to volunteer to help the victims to redeem herself in the eyes of the Chinese who think she has embarrassed the country in the eyes of the world.

----------------------------------------------

Gapmatt helped me understand what was going on here:

For further explanation (not sure how accurate), check out My Rice Girl's English interpretation (actually I recommend any of her videos, she's amazing! off the wall!) She cracks up a bit, but that's because some of what the girl says is preposterous:

Part 2:

I agree. As I said I wouldn't speak so freely if I were in China. I wonder what the fallout from this will be? A lot of response videos are showing up from angry Chinese and the public demands action. Will we hear any more about it? Will they quietly off her? or exile her?

---------------------

What would the backlash be if this same thing occurred in Korea?!?!?

This Blog is not teach a lesson. Its just to rant

Smooches,

Nikki

But then, for every good moment, there is a bad. There are some interns whose attitude towards people different than themselves is almost despicable. It is the same old story with these people. They are not open to experience, or interaction with different people. Perhaps they are afraid, perhaps they do not have enough confidence in themselves, i do not know the reason. All i can say is that, they have no chance of surviving in the world outside of the tiny little city that is currently my residence. No one will tolerate their attitudes.

I'm not sure whether i should feel sad for them or angry at them or just accept their behavior as part of life (and consequently feel bad). Somehow i get the impression that they do not feel particularly bad about or even apologetic about their behavior. They are almost condoning and encouraging their behavior which is exclusive, disrespectful and just plain stupid.

Usually i am filled with emotions while traveling home and i manage to cool down by the time i reach home and get online. That's why the content of this blog is deteriorating. I apologize.

Anyway, I echo the emotions of the person who wrote this craigslist post. Enjoy!

Thanks for listening,

sourspicy: temptation is killing me! - :S

I knew there'd be a great deal of walking involved.. I was determined to walk to the entire day. I didn't want to be in the wheelchair. In fact, we didn't even take it.. probably not the best idea.. but with the rush of getting everything else ready - we didn't put it in the car. And besides.. I wanted to walk!

I made my lunch - a ham sandwich, of course.. fat free ham and f/f cheese.. and a small bag of cheese twists. I love those things!. a few pepsi max! gotta have those. I charged up my spare batteries for my camera. I was set.. prepared - or so I thought.

What I hadn't prepared myself for... was the repulsive, general public. I expected a little more common courtesy. Much to my surprise, I found out that there is NO such thing as common courtesy.

The aquarium is multilevel.. with various ramps, (evil)stairs, and lifts.. clearly marked - Disabled and Pram use only.. with another sign that stated - priority given for persons with special mobility requirements. I thought, having only one leg, walking with a prosthetic foot with the use of a cane - qualified me as having special mobility requirements.. My foot does not have an ankle that moves - so ramps or inclines can be pretty deadly for me. So in between floors, the first couple of times - we tried to take the lift.. only to find the line to do so packed with not just prams - but the entire party that went along with the pram.. Mum, the pram, 2-4 other children, Dad and sometimes 2-3 other adults as well.. the lifts have a maxium of 8 person.. I found myself having to stand in a line for a long, long.. and wait for the 2nd or even 3rd lift. Some people - had no prams at all.. no children either. They just didn't want to take the ramps or stairs.

We finally decided to try and take a ramp - leading down - thats much easier than trying to walk up a ramp we thought.. Sadly.. behind me was a couple with their 2 children. The entire way down the ramp - the children took turns either kicking my walking stick - or stomping on the back of my heels. Certainly the parents had to notice them tripping me up.. or .. maybe they didn't.. who knows.. but it was quite disappointing.

Oh well.. thats my rant for the week. People just have zero concern for others around them anymore. Common courtesy is a thing of the past... it's dead and gone.