huey-lewis « WordPress.com Tag Feed

Rocking Cake

xemirra — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:37:50 +0000

Siendo verano, me imagino que estaréis, o de vacaciones con vuestras sucias miradas al acecho de las guiris, o malgastando vuestra inútil vida viendo el club megatrix mientras engordáis de forma irremediable.

Pero como para mí también es verano, y no tengo ganas de currarme un post en condiciones, ni nadie me ha sacado de mis casillas en las últimas semanas, me temo que hoy se sobreviene un post chorra. Y es que debe ser que ultimamente estoy un poco moñas, asíque aquí os van, a mi jucio, las mejores canciones de rock con temática amorosa (que no baladas, ojo). Disfrutadlas y utilizadlas pata engañar a vuestros ligues, mientras intentáis parecer un tio sensible a la par que os hurgáis la nariz.

Led Zeppelin - Babe I´m Gonna Leave You

Clásico entre clásicos de los míticos entre míticos, una bonita canción tierna de un grupo salpicado por una extraña leyenda urbana de una gruppie y un pez, demasiado turbadora para albergarla en mi blog para todos los públicos. Una de mis favortitas.

Joe Cocker - Unchain my Heart

Temazo del barbudo espasmódico, que sigue sin perder fuerza aunque ya esté como una cacha el pobre. Clásico de escucha obligada.

Survivor - Broken Promises

Tema pastelero de un grupo que no conoce ni cristo, pero cuya canción de Rocky ponen hasta en Salsa Rosa, injustamente relegados al único recuerdo de la canción de la peli de Stallone (Eye of the tiger), aunque también hicieran la de Los Vigilantes de la Playa.

Scorpions - Still Loving You

La canción mas pastelera de la historia, lenta, y de factura perfecta. Otro clásico para heviatas tiernos, con la que conquistarías a cualquier rockera de la historia (siempre y cuando se depile los sobacos).

Toto - Don´t Chain My Heart

Sin palabras, un grupo de virtuosos. Todo lo que diga se queda corto.

Huey Lewis and the News - The Power of Love

La mejor de la lista con diferencia, BSO de la película de la infancia de muchos como yo, que todavia recordamos como una genialidad: Regreso al Futuro. Temazo, espero que os guste.

Espero que os haya gustado, y si no, es lo que hay, que yo también estoy de vacaciones. Por cierto, os recuerdo el apartado en el BlogRoll de Sitios que merecen la pena, con el Flog de Charlie e inminentemente con el myspace de Eni, asique daros una vuelta, no seais cenizos.

by xemirra.

exhaustion is a fools best friend...

caribbeanfool — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 22:34:26 +0000

How does anybody manage to get anywhere in a world with three feet of quicksand covering pavement? I am fucking mystified. The train wreck continues unabated, but the psychology of the moment seems almost inhuman, except that it can't be. We are all prisoners to the limited means of communication, and soon it may not matter how many new words we coin. That's funny, in case you couldn't follow the rationale or the irony of slow motion change suddenly picking up speed. There's nothing to be scared of, everything has happened before, and given enough time, everything will happen again. We are the latest expressions of a movement billions of years in the making, lucky enough to live in interesting times. By definition, our own efforts to secure stability provide the best possible growth medium on which instability can appear.

I have been telling people for years that one of the chief problems in trying to force a pre-approved outcome onto what can only be described as an illusion is madness. Expectations and the psychology of my species being what they are, this has to end in disaster. Late night exculpations with like minded individuals seem to confirm that the revolution will be televised, but only on pay-per-view. Everyone is in on the joke but nobody laughs. I don't believe for a moment that the average joe has any real claim to ignorance, not in the truest sense of the word. Without any evidence of conspiracy, all you have is the sense that something isn't right, something so amorphous and ill-defined that to speak of it with any confidence is a true fool's errand. Nobody can grab hold because the size we are dealing with is the same as the size of any complete set.

This spreading illness of the mind is a welcome development. Diamonds may be hard, but achieving penetration of the dissonance that envelops most of modern day American society is harder. Slowly but surely, this is being achieved. While it is unfortunate and troubling that such a large dose of fear is required to break through the wall, my understanding of humanity interprets this fear as a self-defense mechanism. For those that are prompted to make further inquiry into the events and possible reactions that might be undertaken are the people who make the greatest use of fear. The turtles amongst us will always be turtles. Nobody has ever helped anyone who refuses to help themselves. Let us not quoth Aerosmith. It would be tawdry and cheap. Hookers need not apply.

With such stunning metamorphism on display, it will almost be a tragedy to watch the end of this movie. Whatever your own persuasion and carefully considered context, the same rules do apply to us all. Would it be cynical to question how dedicated the culture around me is when it comes to pursuing an equitable resolution to our current crises? It might be, but there is never a good reason to listen to the judgments of others. Much like my own judgments, they might well be wrong. If we listened and accepted everything that everyone said every minute of the day, we would never get anywhere. Because we never do, I have to question the underlying assumption based on these pitiful conclusions. When will it come together? Unknown. Disaster struck just after the moment that we stopped asking the important questions. If we're really fucked and without leadership, we still only were given what we deserved.

None of the above should be taken as a complaint. Times might be uncertain, but take another step back and see the meta. My mind? Blown. Instantaneously events are both dire and meaningless, and what seems like hypocrisy is only insanity writ large. The terms are set in what at first looks to be stone, but upon closer examination is revealed as foam and paint. Expectations are in need of management. Labor went on strike and returned to find they had been phased out of the equation. You want to laugh at how ridiculous things have become? Americans are so short sighted that they offshor jobs in search of cheaper employees in an effort to improve the bottom line of the corporate stocks they own in lieu of a retirement savings account. Why would that be dumb? Because in a few years, the sales these entities rely on fall apart when demand is destroyed by millions of jobless folks without the income to feed the beast that betrayed the flag waving in the parking lot. It is a cluster fuck of epic proportions, though our gravestone will still read Here Lies The Empire. It Got What It Deserved.

The citizens eventually decided to join up with Nero, and the itinerant fiddle player has the largest backing bank of any fiddle player in history. Tomorrow we'll rebuild the city. Today we'll watch it burn. Bummer. It was never preordained to fall, unless my inestimable friend is right. How much power does built in bias have? Another question that deserves an answer but will be limited by the edge of knowledge. Can't we get someone on these projects? Everybody wants to be Han Solo, and nobody volunteers to be Luke. Perfect.

One of is too tired to think, the rest are too dumb to to try. Sounds to me like the status quo is safe for another day. Amen.

(Huey and Trowell are off somewhere singing songs and soon I will be too. The moment that my Katrina Check arrives, we'll make reservations. Anyone need a ride to Connecticut? Half gas on me. If we catch those two rotten bastards, we'll demand a cut of whatever they've managed to put together. If they pass out, steal it, then bring it to me. Everything must go!)

The power of love

Michael — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:44:07 +0000

I must confess that I was not looking forward to reading Cry, The Beloved Country. After reading Things Fall Apart, which I particularly enjoyed, I didn't know if Paton's could live up to Achebe's. Seven chapters in, I am impressed. Paton does great job of capturing the emotion of Kumalo's first visit to Johannesburg. At the end of chapter seven, Kumalo is talking to a fellow priest, Msimangu. They are discussing Kumalo's brother:

Because the white man has power, we too want power, he said. But when a black man gets power, when he gets money, he is a great man if he is not corrupted. I have seen if often. He seeks power and money to put right what is wrong, and when he gets them, why, he enjoys the power and the money. Now he can gratify his lusts, now he can arrange ways to get white man's liquor, he can speak to thousands and hear them clap their hands. Some of us think when we have power, we shall revenge ourselves on the white man who has had power, and because our desire is corrupt, we are corrupted, and the power has no heart in it.…Yes that is right about power, he said. But there is only one thing that has power completely, and that is love. Because when a man loves, he seeks no power, and therefore he has power.

And to this Jesus would give a hearty amen.

You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not so among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of man did not come to be served to to serve and give His life a ransom for many.

And

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

Who had more power than Christ? Who willingly gave up that power? Who now has more power than Christ? Through love we gain power. Through sacrifice we grow strong. Why? When we seek power, power enslaves us. Power, not us, becomes the master. When we freely give it up, the enticement, the lure, the enslaving power of power is broken, and we are strong. When we are not after power, we will not be tempted to take short cuts to retain it; we will not be tempted to put someone else down who threatens our hold on it; we will not be tempted to manipulate to get more of it. And just in case you're not convinced, the great theologian Huey Lewis has this to say,

It don't take money, and it don't take fame

You don't need no credit card to ride this train

It's tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel

You won't feel nothing until you feel

The power of love.

Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel Officially F***ing Other People

Liz Shannon Miller — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:22:06 +0000

You know that moment a little bit after you find out that two of your friends have ended their relationship -- the moment that follows all the sympathy and condolences, the moment of "oh, crap, they were such a fun couple, and now they won't be having those awesome BBQs anymore"? That's the way I feel about Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman breaking up. Because in the grand tradition of real-life couples Lucy and Desi and George and Gracie, their union created some hilarious comedy. Though perhaps the nature of the pieces was an early warning sign.

Silverman presented I'm F***ing Matt Damon to Kimmel as a gift in honor of Jimmy Kimmel Live's 5th anniversary (it was originally meant to be aired in November 2007 during Kimmel's birthday show, which never happened due to the WGA strike), and uploads of the video quickly appeared on YouTube in a Lazy Sunday-esque wave.

The choice of partners is deliberate, as Jimmy Kimmel has a long-standing joke feud with Matt Damon (culminating in a rage-filled appearance in September 2006), but who knew that Matt Damon could not only rap, but bust out some 90s-dance-crew moves?

And who knew that Kimmel would raise the bar so dramatically with a follow-up featuring Damon BFF Ben Affleck? I'm F***ing Ben Affleck may start off like a cheap rip-off, but soon afterwards ups the ante, both in an artistic and cast sense: the quasi-official YouTube upload lists Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Rebecca Romijn, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Dicky Barrett, Christopher Mintz-Plasse a.k.a. Mclovin, Lance Bass, Dominic Monaghan, Meatloaf, Pete Wentz, Joan Jett, Huey Lewis, Perry Farrell, Macy Gray and Josh Groban. Sure, there are no butterflies. But there is a "We Are The World"-esque chorus and Harrison Ford in a convertible. Advantage: Kimmel.

Of course, Silverman and Kimmel didn't work together on these shorts -- both were directed by Wayne McClammy, a Jimmy Kimmel Live segment director who's parlayed his success into exciting directing gigs. But the established nature of their relationship in the public eye is what gives these pieces the additional kick. What makes "I'm F***ing Matt Damon/Ben Affleck" so much fun is that the humor of the pieces reflect that stage in a romance when all the insecurity is gone, when both partners are so comfortable with each other that they can make these sorts of tasteless jokes. Now that they've broken up, it's just a little sad, to think of the people they are now, um, f***ing.

But maybe there's a chance they got together for one last breakup music video. Everyone knows those are always the best.

Three cool things for a Friday

Jonny Rosemont — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:43:15 +0000

Huey Lewis and The News' new song, a trailer for a film called Mutant Chronicles, and a funny photo about the damage that playing a Wii can do.

Have a great weekend peeps.

Bean's List: 11-20 worst sports movies ever. (Monday, top 10)

thefullbug — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:37:11 +0000

The premise of this movie is that the kid breaks his arm only to have it come back stronger and better than ever.

Maybe we should try breaking the DVD a few times.

_______________________________________________________________

8 Seconds... That's exactly how long this lasted in my DVD player before I hit the eject button.

Luke Perry finds out that working with 1200 pounds of angry beef is a whole lot easier than working with Shannon Doherty.

________________________________________________________________

B-list actors playing B-list football players. Rob Schneider, Kathy Ireland, Sinbad, Jason Bateman, Scott Bakula... If you once had a hit TV show in the 1980's, you had a spot in this movie. I think Gary Coleman and Alf had small cameos. How on Earth could this not be an instant classic?

Any movie with Sinbad and that Huey Lewis-looking Quantum Leap dude is probably going to suck. Turns out, it did.

___________________________________________________________________________

If you can't get a bunch of inner-city street thugs to respect a bumbling line screwing-up blonde from Laugh-In, who will they respect? The Bean rented this DVD just for the deleted scenes. Turns out black guys do love blondes.

____________________________________________________________________

Penny Hardaway, and the O'Neill brothers, (Shaquille and Ed)? No wonder the producers of Kazam were falling all over themselves to sign Shaq after this classic performance. This movie is likely what made Nick Nolte hit the bottle.

_________________________________________________________

You don't have to wear the cardboard 3-D glasses to see how crappy this movie is.

The Bean realizes that this is not a sports movie. However any movie this horrible deserves to be on a bad movie list. Here's the plot... After a Nantucket family endures two summers being terrorized by this fish, sheriff Brody's sons decide to take a trip to Florida. What's there waiting for them? The most grudge holding shark ever born. Good lord! You get the feeling that if they had gone to Omaha, Nebraska, this shark would have been behind the counter at the truckstop where they stopped for gas.

Alright. Back to the sports movies.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Al Bundy's second movie on the list. Honey, I shrunk the budget. Shot entirely in a small town, with B-list actors, Rick Moranis take a rag tag bunch of misfits to the championship game and beats the better team. The Bean loved this movie when they called it the Bad News Bears.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Let me set the stage. Don Knotts (Barney Fife) coaches the NFL's California ATOMS. Their star "player" is a soccer playing mule from Yugoslavia. Tom Bosley (Mr. Cunningham) and Tim Conway (uh, Tim Conway) then mulenaps GUS for a climatic scene just before the big game. Team owner Ed Asner (Lou Grant) loses his temper and yells at people alot while wearing those giant ties that he wore when he worked in Minnesota at that TV station.

______________________________________________________________________________________

I guess Hogan doesn't know best. Hulk "Thunderlips" Hogan was such a big hit in his draw in Rocky III that he rode his on rhinestone encrusted capetails to movie stardom. If the court really wanted to teach his kid a lesson, play this 24 hours a day in his cell. He'll never drive again.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Ex- QB and current FBI agent, Johnny Utah (Reeves) is sent undercover to foil a group of bank-robbing surfers headed by Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper before Hopper is able to put a bomb on a city bus and force Sandra Bullock to drive it to Indiana to blow up a high school boys basketball team, the same team Hackman and Hopper would be coaching against in the state finals.

Oh wait... Maybe that's a different movie.

Huey Lewis Writes New Song Titled "Do You Believe In Rogen"

Cinematically-Correct.com — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 13:20:57 +0000

Back in December, we learned that Seth Rogen met with Huey Lewis about penning a song for "Pineapple Express". For those of us who are big fans of Seth Rogen, Huey Lewis, 80s pop, & stoner humor, today is officially our day. You can hop over to the stupidity of MySpace & listen to the new Huey Lewis tune from "Pineapple Express". Since I work with a bunch of dopes who couldn't be trusted with a stapler, much less free roaming Internet access, I cannot listen to the song. MySpace is blocked by the powers that be...actually, with this crew of whackos here, it's probably best that it is blocked.

Cinematically Correct note: I like the song "Cruisin'" that Huey Lewis & Gwyneth Paltrow sang from the movie "Duets". Big whoop.

Whenever you feel that life is a depressing spiral of pure inanity and hopelessness,

TallulahBankhead — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:35:18 +0000

watch Short Cuts.

Trust me...it will make you feel a 1000% better.

Umas musiquinhas para vcs - parte 2

jecspawn — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:33:17 +0000

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5 surprising "I never knew they could sing!" moments

sakmode — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:46:48 +0000

Just because one can act doesn't mean one can also sing (and vice versa - just because one can entertain a crowd doesn't mean one can act). These artists shocked us by being able to actually hold a tune and even - on occasion - sound really good doing it...

Bruce Willis - rowdy blues guy

Ole B Willy sure can rock a phat jam!! He's got the gravel, the yelling, and the old guy angst down pat. Sure, he might occasionally resort to 'spoken delivery' (like these guys), drop out of tune just slightly at the end of the odd line, and look kinda awkward when he has to stand there with nothing to do but I'd argue that B Willikers just might have an old-blues-guy gene or two in his make-up...

Hayden Panettiere - Hendrix cover girl

If you were an avid Disney channel watcher you mighta been one of those who raised an eyebrow when you saw Claire Bear on Heroes, and said: "hey... there's that chick who sings on that Disney movie" but for most of us, she was an actress first (or rather, a self-mutilating cheerleader) and her singing talents were unknown (not to mention her voice acting talents as Dot in A Bug's Life and Kairi in Kingdom Hearts 2!).

Gwyneth Paltrow - smooth cruising gal

Gwynnie is married to a muso but even before she met Chris the cold playa she'd tried her (vocal) hand at a tune or two. In this, her first 'outing', she sings a Smokey Robinson number to her onscreen dad whilst being directed by her offscreen dad.

Christian Bale - english warbling chappie

...and he can dance too (is that what he's doing in the scene below, at 2:16? xD); obviously he was training for the intense action sequences in Batman Begins. I wonder if there's going to be a musical number in The Dark Knight? I can totally see Batman breaking into "Bad" during a tense show-down with the Joker...

"...the word is out / you're doing wrong / gonna lock you up / before too long... Who's Bad?"

*shudder*... bad memories of Prince's Batdance video... >_<

Kiera Knightley - sultry songstress

She can sing! And not too badly at all, either. She injects just the right amount of fragile emotion into this performance to come across like a natural.

Honourable Mention

It may fall into the "spoken word" category but I'll bet you never knew McCain could bust a funky jam too, eh?

Rupert Murdoch and the News

cloaknbadger — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:22:06 +0000

Ah, Fox News. If the pop-musical adage “it’s hip to be square” were accurate you would be the scenester kid of cable. Sure, you have all the superficial facets of with-it-ness; flashy graphics, busty blond news-readers and the ‘us versus them’ moral starkness of a pre-teen. However when it comes to understanding pre-Geritol popular culture it would appear that the emperor has no demo-robes.

Many news cycles ago, upon securing the Democratic nomination for president Barack and Michelle Obama engaged in a celebratory fist-pound; a variation of the high-five popular among college students, sports fans and construction workers for the past ten years. Most news stations explained the gesture to any viewers who may not have been born post-reconstruction but Fox went into hyper drive, pondering aloud whether this might be some sort of terrorist fist jab. Now this wasn’t a completely nonsensical first assumption because it’s been fairly well established that trendsetting terrorists have been looking for new moves ever since the Macarena went out of style in the mid 90’s.

The coverage brought laughter from all quarters until Rupert Murdoch had had enough. Fox would not be the social misfit in cable news; already the math club of popular culture. He’d show Wolf Blitzer, he’d show them all.

Senior Fox executives spent the next two weeks scouring MTV and in a pre-emptive strike of hipness Fox News declared that Michelle Obama equaled Barack’s baby mama. Controversy followed after it was explained that “baby mama” signified an unmarried mother who was not presently involved with the father, forcing Fox to concede that the term was probably more appropriate for the Maury Povich show than in describing the wife of a presidential candidate.

Some might say that it’s time for Fox News to abandon its quest to be down with the youth, but I would encourage them to try, try again. Skinny ties were mocked upon their emergence as well, and we all know how that turned out.

Yours, Derek.

W o r d P r e s s .c om P o l i t i c a l B l o g g e r A l l i a n c e

The Power of Music

Alysha Sandow — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 08:55:51 +0000

Music has its own exceptional magic attached to it. It can make you want to dance, sing, smile or even cry. It relaxes and comforts many, and some say it has the ability to even soothe the most savage beast.

It has this amazing ability of touching people beyond mere words.

So as I sit here and listen to several John Mayer albums on repeat, somehow a Huey Lewis song, ‘The Power of Love’ has randomly been included into my playlist.

Every time I hear this song it takes me back 10 years, holding a never failing smile to my face, many nostalgic thoughts of roller-skating and bright white skates are drawn together with pink laces and the dim lights of the roller-skating rink. We would skate for hours, falling and laughing in timeless turns, everything enriched by that very song.

It’s amazing how songs can elicit memories, smells, images and thoughts.

Simple notes, keys and tones have so much expression and power to touch even the most distant thoughts.

I guess it is a fact of observation that music and songs vary to a considerable degree in what music can mean to people, and in what they get out of it.

But all in all, music has the power to communicate to the soul in ways that words alone can not.

Tidbits

Crystal — Mon, 12 May 2008 20:23:15 +0000

I should be cleaning right now. I really should be cleaning right now. Tonight is Jonah's first recital and people (probably just my mom-in-law) are coming over afterwards to enjoy some ice-cream, and my house looks like it threw up in itself. Nice.

Mother's day weekend was fun, well except for Mother's Day. I'll get to that. Friday, our church had parent's night out. This is also known as being blessed with free babysitting for a couple of hours. Awesome! We went to Carrabba'swith Tommy and Julie Haines; Tommy is also our pastor. We had a great meal. If you've never been to Carrabba's, you must. We don't eat out much, so when we do we like it ot be well worth it. After enjoying a couple of kid-free, good-food, fun-conversation hours we got into our car only to realize that it was not going to start. The battery was deader than a doornail. Jason left the lights on. Ooops. No worries though, Tommy and Jason flagged down an unsuspecting bystander who was kind enough to give us a jump.

It took Tommy, Jason, and the owner of the car to open the hood. The man said that his "people" usually do that. It was a nice, new Dodge Charger. Q: How many men does it take to pop the hood of a car. A: 3. Julie and I laughed our heads off.

Saturday we went to my parents. We stopped by Wal-Mart to get some cash from the ATM and Jason bought the Best of Huey Lewis and the News while he was inside. Can I stop right here to tell ya'll that I love my man to pieces? He is the best. "Our Song" is by Huey Lewis - "Happy to Be Stuck with You" It just fits us so well. We're jsut driving down the highway, singing our hearts out and I took a mental pause to think, "I really, really love this man. Thank you, God!" Needless to say, we had a fantastic time visiting with my parents. So I guess a good Friday and Saturday make up for a really crappy Sunday.

I had a headache which turned into a migraine all day long. Oy Vey! Thankfully, Jason was right there with Ginger ale and kept Jonah out of my hair.

Anyway, I hope all you moms had a great mother's day! I am off to clean!

I'm fucking Obama

letaguldkorn — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:38:08 +0000

Inspirerad av Sarah Silvermans avslöjande - och av Silvermans stora popularitet - gjorde Hillary Clinton en egen film:

Vinner Hillary valet? Blir Hillary fru Obama? Hur tar Bill det? Det får vi kanske aldrig veta. Men Sarah Silvermans exboyfriend Jimmy Kimmel svarade Sarah med samma mynt:

Inför inspelningen av videon lyckades Jimmy Kimmel dra ihop ett litet gäng bestående av:

Jimmy Kimmel själv, Ben Affleck, Robin Williams, Don Cheadle, Harrison Ford, Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Dicky Barrett, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Lance Bass, Dominic Monaghan, Meatloaf, Pete Wentz, Joan Jett, Huey Lewis, Perry Farrell, Macy Gray och Josh Groban

Science ruins time travel for everyone

jvrabel7 — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:58:31 +0000

GateHouse - Science has already ruined a number of important things for me, such as my high school GPA and pretty much all of religion, but this past week they really took the taco: It was announced that I really, truly, once and for all, can’t travel back in time. Not even with a cheesy 1980s-looking car, not even if you have directions to a nice local wormhole, no matter what Huey Lewis and the News say.

Science, of course, is a total buzz-kill, which is why many people don't pay attention to it when it says things like "Hey, cigarettes can kill you," or "The planet is getting really hot," or "You know that fiesta of diet pills that you're snarfing down instead of eating the occasional carrot and going for a walk? Yeah, that doesn't really work so well." Frankly, if Science concerned itself more with concocting the perfect margarita and organizing better, more efficient singing contests between teenagers, they'd probably get a lot more people subscribing to its magazines.

Anyway, time travel: I think I can safely say that all of us, more or less, were holding out hope for that day when someone told you it was possible to go back and fix all those ghastly things you said in junior high, pick a different major, rethink the plan to invest in all those Mark McGwire baseball cards and, with a little luck, set up your parents at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance.

I'm not even all that old, and there have been all sorts of advancements in the last few years alone that have blown my mind to pieces. This includes the iPhone, those fizzy tablets you put in your shower to get rid of your cold, the iPhone, Oreo cookies with colored icing in the middle and the iPhone. (Note to Apple: this is called PRODUCT PLACEMENT. I really want an iPhone. Please contact my agent.)

(Second note to Apple: That last part was a joke. I write for a living, and, as such, cannot afford an agent. I just paid off the milk carton this computer is sitting on. Please send me an iPhone. Love, Jeff.)

Anyway, time travel (again): Why, you may be asking me, is it not possible for me, Joe Reader, to leap into a wormhole and stop myself from throwing up on Betty Sue right before my first kiss at the county fair (or whatever). Well, I'll tell you. Actually, I won't tell you, because the explanation is making the inside of my head melt quietly into a puddle of rubbery, sort of greenish goo. Listen, I'm not the dumbest guy in the world, but there is a LOT of talk in here about cosmic strings and different universes and "manifestations of space-time."

I'm pretty sure that all the time I could have spent growing up learning about some of these terms went directly to memorizing the stats and personal information of my favorite professional wrestlers. So you could talk to me about string theory until the sheer frustration makes you want to weep with failure, and I'll absorb exactly nothing, though I can tell you that the Junk Yard Dog's intro music for most of the 1980s was "Grab Them Cakes." (That faint smoky odor you may detect is my college lighting my diploma on fire.) Let's just say this: I think cosmic strings have something to do with it, and that the idea of "punching a hole in space-time" is totally on my list of Things To Do Before I Die. I think I can do it. I've been working out.

But there is a little bit of good news in this otherwise depressing story: Though it may not be possible to travel into the past, it may be fully possible to travel into the future, which is where most of the cooler stuff is anyway. All you need to do is construct a spaceship that travels at the speed of light for an established length of time, and when you come back to Earth, you'll have aged one year while the planet will have aged about a million years. Which would be great, except either by then the apes will be running everything, or global warming will have exterminated pretty much anything, except, of course cockroaches, and Huey Lewis and the News.

So You Want To Be A Successful Comedian? - Postscript

dieactordie — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:28:37 +0000

From successful comedian Patton Oswalt:

I’m flying to Australia in an hour. So I’m hanging out upstairs in the One World Executive Lounge. I thought it might have a cool CASABLANCA feel.

Instead, it looks like the Korova Milk Bar from CLOCKWORK ORANGE, and Huey Lewis’ "Hot and Cold" is playing while Koreans drink beer and watch DEAL OR NO DEAL. I’m heartbroken.

From his MySpace blog.